moment of weakness
by Kahlen
Summary: jean greyrogue femslash... i dont own Xmen just read and review plzzzz
1. The recipe

_Lives swallow the infatuation  
Cleverly seduced  
Evil's in the stink of you  
Rise and fall we decompose_

I remember the day that it became apparent that I loved her. I remember it like it was yesterday. I can almost taste the feeling of raw frustration and confusion I was feeling… I wanted revenge.  
We were on a mission, we at the time being Scott, Jean, Logan, Bobby, Hank, Ororo, Kitty, Peter and Warren. Scott and Warren have since departed and as for Logan, well he's Logan, he comes and goes as he pleases. The rest of us stay faithful to the cause… to Professor X… to… sometimes I'm not sure why we stay; well I stay because of her, I stay because she stays.  
The objective was to seize hostages which the brotherhood had held captive for unknown reasons. The Brotherhood was at its strongest then with Magneto's leadership and Mystique's stealth; they had succeeded in the assassination of 4 anti-mutant politicians within that week alone. Now, Magneto is jailed and Mystique; well she's turned over a new leaf here at the mansion, her and I have grown close, she was in fact my foster mother for years.  
"Stay close!" Cyclops had ordered. It wasn't a usual Brotherhood hideout. It was more secretive, more eerie, more… evil. It was maze-like, almost like one of those hideouts in a comic book. The wrong turn could cost you your very life.  
"I think we should split up" Ororo had suggested and Scott reluctantly agreed. It wasn't the best of options but it was the only way we'd cover the grounds and find the hostages.  
I really didn't want to be there. I was having a bad day, bad week, bad month, bad year… a freakin' bad life if you wanted to go that far. Gambit had left the X-men a week ago, not just leaving the X-men but also leaving me with nothing but a note saying he was bad for me and I should move on and don't fret over his leaving.  
"Kitty and Colossus… go with Storm, Warren with Jean and I, Bobby and Rogue with Hank and since you're not gonna listen to whatever I say, you may as well just wander off alone now Logan" Scott said. It was obvious, he had done that so Logan would be far away from Jean.  
"Go with popsicle; I'll go with kiddo here alright Furball?" Logan said to Hank, not really waiting for an okay because permission wasn't something that mattered much to him.  
"What's wrong, kiddo?" Logan had asked when we were away from Hank and Bobby.  
"Well Gambit's gone and I'm pretty sure it's because he couldn't touch his girlfriend without being killed!" I had said, fighting tears.   
"Look kiddo, if that's why he left then he wasn't any good."  
"But…" I was determined to counter, to protect Gambit's reputation, I had to put the blame on me. "You don't know what its like to be afraid of your powers" I said.  
"Yeah…. I do!" He said, his claws now protruding from in between his fingers.  
"Does it hurt?" I ask referring to when he bears his claws. It's a question I asked when we first met and he didn't answer me then but him and I had grown close, almost a father-daughter or big brother-little sister relationship and I knew he would answer truthfully that time.  
"Yeah… it does" he answered "now keep up!" he said, increasing his speed. We had been walking for almost 15 minutes when he used his hand to stop me. Motioning for me to be quiet, he extended his claws and crept forward as a bolt of fire flew past us, missing us by less than inches. It was the work of nobody but Pyro.  
"Stay here kiddo!" Logan said running off into the direction where the flame had come from. Part of me thinks he knew I wouldn't stay and part of me thinks he was just in so much of a rush to catch the bad guy that he forgot to think of the possibilities of me actually staying but nevertheless I started walking in a different direction than Logan had gone in and before I knew it, I was lost, yet I continued walking. I was frustrated, irritated, aggravated and just plain angry and I didn't care that I was in danger, I didn't care that I was lost, I didn't care if I just fell and died in a instant, I really didn't care.   
Walking backward, looking at the ceiling, I bumped into what felt like a person. Frightened, I had grabbed it with my ungloved hand and knew instantly not only from the texture but also from the terrified sigh that was heard that I had touched skin. I turned around, not letting go and realized I had in my hand, Pyro's wrist and something came over me; I didn't want to let go!

_Rest against the sore  
Push breath and pull  
Ripping out compassion  
Instincts adapting  
Sin sings a moan  
In slides night  
Unite and spread the heart apart  
And smile of pain_

Not that Pyro had done anything to me personally because he really hadn't. I just wanted revenge on anyone. I didn't ask for this power! I didn't ask to be this way, I didn't ask to be able to kill people with a single touch.  
Well, at that moment, starring into Pyro's blue eyes, his face pale almost as if Bobby had iced him again, right that moment, I wanted him to die. Not because he'd done anything personally to me just because I wanted revenge! My hand was lightly gripping his wrist; I didn't have to have a tight grip on him, he was too weak to retaliate.  
He was struggling to breathe and the air around me darkened. I could feel a rush of warmth through my body, either adrenaline or simply his powers of pyrokinesis surging through my body, becoming mine! I could see, taste, smell Australia as if I had been there recently and the same for Vietnam. I was absorbing his memories. I was effortlessly absorbing him and I didn't want to stop. I wanted to kill him. I wanted revenge!

_I can't show my true embrace  
Now that you're subdued  
I begin to weaken you  
Rise and fall we decompose_

I wanted to feel sorry for him. He was a bad guy, yes, but he didn't deserve this. Then again, I didn't deserve to be burdened with this power. I didn't let go. This wasn't me! It was my frustration and my frustration wanted him dead. I kept thinking what the rest of the X-men would think of me if they saw this. I was no better than Pyro, or Mystique or Magneto, if anything I was worse, still I refused to let go!

_Prey on the masses  
Conscience relapses  
The less we think and  
more we drink our actions are casual  
While sin sings a moan_

I was becoming him. I could feel him inside of me. It was almost as if I were drinking him like I would a soda. Everything he had been through, I saw. Still, I didn't let go!

_Lives swallow the infatuation  
Cleverly seduced  
Evil's in the stink of you  
Rise and fall  
We decompose_

It wouldn't be long, I could feel his body becoming limp and cold. This wasn't me! I wanted so much just to let go but my frustration wouldn't let me!

_Distance is safer than trust  
Honestly honesty's a fable in love  
Calloused  
Shedding skin I start to grin as malice  
Becomes my fuel_

I wanted him to hurt because I had hurt, not because of him, of course not, he hadn't done anything personally to me, it was myself that hurt me. I suffered because of who I am; still I wanted him to suffer!!!

_I can't show my true embrace  
Now that you're subdued  
I begin to weaken you  
Rise and fall we decompose  
Shedding skin I start to grin as malice  
Becomes my fuel_

Before I knew it, I was crying, tears streaming down my face as I continued to absorb what was left of the almost lifeless body below me and that's when she grabbed me, not touching any skin of course, she knew better than that!   
"We've been looking for you. Are you okay?" She asked. I nodded but didn't dare to look at her as she ushered me back to the Blackbird in silence. She looks back at Pyro, he wasn't dead, and I'm sure she looked at me but I wouldn't know, I was too busy looking at my feet, avoiding eye contact. I'm sure she was disappointed in what I had done. It was obvious I held on for longer than was needed to weaken him and get away safely. It was painfully obvious that I held on in attempt to kill him.

When I stepped into the Blackbird, I looked at none of the X-men, none of the hostages, not even Logan and especially not her. She was the only one who knew what I did but it felt like they were all judging me. I didn't dare look into any of their eyes. I went to my seat, strapped in and just stared at my ungloved hand. The seat next to me was empty, for some reason Bobby had decided to sit next to Kitty instead of his usual seat next to me but I was glad because I wanted to be alone but then she came and sat next to me. I was still staring down but I caught a glimpse of her red hair and knew it was her. She usually sat up front next to Scott or next to Ororo depending on who was piloting but she sat next to me. And for some reason, something compelled me to look up and into her green eyes and instead of seeing disdain which I was sure she felt for me after seeing what I did to Pyro, I saw understanding, caring, love from this women who was nothing to me, not even a mentor like she was to Bobby and Kitty, she meant nothing to me, until I looked into her eyes and then she meant the world. Without saying a word, she took my gloved hand and started caressing it and I wondered what it would feel like without the glove. From that day, Jean and I became inseparable. I knew I **LOVED** Jean Grey but I wouldn't dare tell her.


	2. Moment Of Weakness

In a moment of weakness, razorblade fastened between my fingers ready to do its job, ready to emit blood from my veins, I found love. In a moment of weakness, I had befriended a sharp piece of cool metal that wasn't in any way sensitive to my touch. In fact I was sensitive to his touch; the harder he dug into my skin the more I hurt. In a moment of weakness, I knew what it was like to be touched by me. But in a moment of weakness, I allowed myself to be touched! I allowed myself to be touched by… her! And because of that moment of weakness one long year ago, that is how I am here in her bed as her fingers gently caress my arm after… well after another **AMAZING** night.

I remember my moment of weakness like it was yesterday, me, sitting on a recliner chair in my dorm room, razor in hand. I had left her a note… only her, telling her of my plans of suicide… such a harsh word. But that is what I was planning to do, commit "suicide" So with the razor in my hand, tears flooding from my eyes, I started my incision watching blood start to trickle from my wrist and that's when she intruded, bursting into my room, surprisingly alone. I had been sure she would betray my trust and consult Professor X but she respectfully didn't.

"Rogue… please don't!" she said, her voice was pleading, it was in a way sexy but it wasn't about her... it was about me.

"Well Dr. Grey, there isn't much you can do about it… you can't touch me remember?" I said tauntingly, digging my little "friend" further into my skin. It did sound very childish but it was true… she couldn't touch me or so I had thought! It went on like that for almost half an hour, her pleading and me harming myself even more every time she pleaded.

It was becoming unbearable for her, I could see it in her eyes, she was fighting a flood of tears. I was half expecting her to just dare me to finish the job so she could leave and not feel guilt because she had "tried". But that never happened. I dug the razor into my skin closer to my vein emitting and small cry of pain and she did the unexpected… she grabbed my wrist. I tried to pull away in fear of hurting her but she wouldn't let go and to my surprise nothing happened. She wasn't being drained of powers, life... she wasn't being drained at all. You could tell she was just as shocked as I, still she worked quickly disarming me and cleansing my wound without saying a word. Once she had my wrist bandaged using supplies she kept handy in her pockets, she looked up at me still not letting go of my wrist not like I wanted her to. I was enjoying the sensation of her skin against mine although I was unaware as to how it was possible she was touching me. There were tears streaming from my eyes yet I didn't break her gaze. She used her other hand, the one that wasn't gripping my wrist, to wipe my tears away. And before I knew it, her body was positioned between my legs and her lips hovering over mine. She was beautiful, gorgeous.

She is beautiful, gorgeous, amazing…

"Jean..." I whisper, raising my head from the its place on her naked breast.

"yeah babe!" she answers, brushing some hair out of my face.

"I love you!" I whisper to her

"I love you too babe" she whispers back with that glint in her eyes… that "wanna go for another round?" glint. And who am I to say no to that sexiness.


	3. Grrrrr professor!

"Jean…" the name escapes Rogue's lips as a faint whisper.  
"mhmm?" Jean answers her voice also hushed and quite husky.  
"Please…" Rogue begs. It had been a year since they had realized that Jean was immune to Rogue's power yet Rogue still couldn't get enough of the older woman's touch.  
"Please what?" Jean asks teasingly although she knew exactly what her younger lover wanted; she just wanted to hear her say it.  
"Please… touch me" Rogue breathes out barely audible.  
"Where?" Jean whispers, her breathe lingering on the girl beneath her making her squirm. Jean had been teasing her with light feather touches for almost 10 minutes and it was driving Rogue crazy with desire.  
"Everywhere!" Rogue manages to say, her eyelids fluttering; she was trying to keep her eyes open to concentrate on her older lover but it was becoming harder by the second.  
"Where?" Jean asks again this time whispering in Rogue's ear, placing her naked body over the nude body of Rogue but before Rogue could answer the question, Jean's hands were caressing her most intimate areas. The feeling that washed over Rogue was indescribable.  
The professor's voice rang out through the school, startling both Jean and Rogue… Duty comes before pleasure.  
Whoever interrupted this session was going to pay… big time!


End file.
